“Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don’t we switch jobs? You take over TV, because you’re such an expert in ratings, and then I take over your job and then people can finally sleep comfortably again,”
. . . The President-elect also complained that, under President Barack Obama, actresses have been allowed to operate with impunity. “Barack Obama is basically the founder of actresses,” he said.
In 2010, a court in the state of Washington convicted Anthony DeLeon of three counts of first degree assault. Because the crimes were committed while the defendant was armed with a firearm and with an intent to benefit a criminal street gang, DeLeon was sentenced to 1,002 months in jail.
The evidence of DeLeon’s gang involvement included a song by Los Tigres del Norte that he had on his cell phone.
The Supreme Court of the State of Washington has now weighed in on the case:
Los Tigres Del Norte have sold 32 million albums. They have won five Latin Grammy awards, and they have performed in front of U.S. troops serving abroad. There is no support in the record for the contention that enjoying their music is evidence of gang involvement. While this may not be the primary issue in this case, we felt that it was nonetheless important to take this opportunity to remind courts to exercise far more caution when drawing conclusions from a defendant’s musical preferences.
NB: The Bitemaster actually owns a Los Tigres CD and he’s most certainly not a gang member, with the possible exception of the Internet Gang of Blowhards.
Having quietly disposed of Philip Seymour Hoffman and David Carradine, the Star Whackers have taken out Justice Antonin Scalia, presumably on orders from President Obama and Cheryl Boone Isaacs. Their next victim is expected to be Clarence Thomas, though a hit on J. J. Abrams would be cheered by all discerning Star Wars fans.
Here at the Bitecastle, we never watch “South Park” but the idea that the show would give political correctness a kick in the ass does have a certain appeal for us. That’s because we think it’s important to question pretty much any orthodoxy.
On the other hand, we generally refer to Caitlin Jenner as “she” because it’s polite to use the language that she prefers.
One of the cool things about working here at the BiteCastle is that you get to make fun of the stupid things famous people do. Like musician Jack White.
White has been booked to play at the University of Oklahoma. The school paper, The Oklahoma Daily, cleverly used a Freedom of Information Act request to get a copy of White’s contract from which they published some of the more amusing bits like White’s preferred guacamole recipe.
Hilarity ensued, followed shortly thereafter by White’s booking agency, William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, deciding to bar all of its clients from working at OU.
So, do I really think White is an asshole for wanting a particular kind of guacamole? Nah. If I were stuck making a living in Norman, Oklahoma, I’d want chunky guacamole, too.
The real assholes here are White’s agents, who think that withholding the services of top talent like Barry Manilow, Snoop Dogg, and Paris Hilton is some kind of unbearable punishment.
More like a blessing, I’d say.
Well, now that everyone is piling on Bill Cosby, I thought it would be interesting to see a timeline. Not of the accusations themselves (“In 2012, Mable accused Cosby of . . . “) but of the things he’s accused of (“In 1970, Cosby allegedly forced himself . . . ).
Most of the websites I checked had only the former (boooring!) but TV Guide came through. They’ve detailed what Cosby is accused of doing to various women from 1965 to 2004. That’s right: almost forty years.
A final note: The TV Guide timeline lists no sexual assault accusations against Cosby once he hit about age 67.
Actually his complete tweet was
I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.
I concede that Sajak is a better game show host than your Bitemaster. But when it comes to politics, we’re both just blowhards. Though Sajak has 48 thousand Twitter followers and the Bitemaster has . . . less than that.
There’s a story that Don Rickles was once doing his act in a Miami Beach nightclub when Frank Sinatra came in. Don spotted Frank in the audience and said, “Make yourself at home Frank. Hit somebody.”
Now Justin Bieber has topped Rickles:
During a recent night on the town, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford ran into Bieber. When the mayor tried to shake Bieber’s hand, the singer jokingly asked him: “Did you bring any crack to smoke?”
Apparently I’m the only person on the Internets who thinks this whole Justin Bieber thing is weird and probably unconstitutional.
I doubt that the LA County Sheriff sends that much muscle to the average murder scene.
Apparently the cops haven’t found any evidence (of what?) yet, so they are now seeking a warrant for The Bieb’s cellphone.
I’m no Bieber fan, but something about this stinks.