Florida man catches postal worker with mousetrap in mailbox

Nicholas Dibble thought that one of his neighbors was stealing his mail so he put some sort of trap in his mailbox. But he forgot to tell his letter carrier. Ooops.

Apparently the Post Office is not going to charge Dibble with a federal crime, just stop delivering his mail. But was Dibble relieved or grateful? Nope. His response was “I am the victim.”

Source: Florida man catches postal worker with mousetrap in mailbox – NY Daily News
See also US Attorneys guidelines.

It’s all Trump’s fault!

One of the key reasons your Bitemaster stayed away for so long was the tsunami of idiocy emanating from President Trump and the Trump administration. Every day, the Real Media has been filled with examples of our Dear Leader’s calumny and prevarication. It wasn’t clear what your Bitemaster could add to the splendid coverage provided by the Real Media.

But now that he’s caught his breath, he’s returning to his duties as the Internet’s premier exposer of idiocy. Enjoy!

The Bitemaster will be on hiatus

Your Bitemaster booked a cruise to the Lethargy Zone for himself, the Bitemistress and all the little bitty biters. After studying the travel brochures, he had visions of lying on a white sand beach with waitresses in bikinis bringing him Mai Tais. Unfortunately, somebody screwed up the paperwork and the family ended up at the Balea Ice Hotel in — as God is my witness — Cîrţişoara, Romania‎.

The local sherpas bring in news of the outside world several times a week and, if the reports are to be believed, the Trump administration is hard at work lobbing grenades at everything good and sacred about the United States.

In theory, the Bitemaster could keep posting from here, but turning the crank on the old Soviet-made generator gets tiresome really fast.

So what can you do in lieu of your daily dose of the bracing reality of BiteMe.Me? I propose that you watch Fox News and assume that everything is the opposite of what they say. For example, if Fox News says that the Trump Administration is running like a fine tuned machine, assume that it’s more like a beater with a broken crankshaft. If Fox reports that left-wing agitators are being bused into New Hampshire, it means that right-wing agitators are being bused into New York. If Fox News says the GOP has a splendid replacement for Obamacare, it means that medical care will be available to the highest bidder.

In the meantime, Noroc !

Trumpism: America’s new civil religion

“People were being ushered into a deeply religious experience…and it made me completely uncomfortable,” the pastor recalls. “I felt like people were here to worship an ideology along with the man who was leading it. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the song per se – it was this inexplicable movement that was happening in the room. It was a religious zeal.”


The Continuing History Of The Republican Alternative To Obamacare

Here we go again. And again and again.

The Repubs have had six years to come up with an Obamacare replacement. They ain’t got one yet and they never will. Be sure to read Jason Linkins’ devastating history of their lame attempts: The Continuing History Of The Republican Alternative To Obamacare | The Huffington Post

News from the swamp #2

Here are some of the personnel failures of Trump’s “fine tuned machine”:

  •     Monica Crowley — withdrew after revelations of plagiarism
  •     Paul Manafort — resigned after revelations of lobbying for The Ukraine
  •     Michael T. Flynn — resigned after revelations of Russian connections
  •     Andrew Puzder — withdrew after revelations of spouse abuse
  •     Scott Pruitt — the shit may hit the fan on Tuesday, when Pruitt will have to reveal 2500 emails to and from his pals in the energy industry

Trump plans overhaul of intelligence agencies

The review is being pushed by President Trump’s chief strategist, Stephen K. Bannon, and his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and would be led by Stephen A. Feinberg, a billionaire private equity executive.

President Trump has grown increasingly frustrated with the way the US intelligence community has maintained its independence and is apparently considering engaging Stephen A. Feinberg, a private equity executive, to do a top-to-bottom overhaul.

According to the voices I hear in my head, Steve Bannon immediately put in a call to former KGB Lt. Colonel Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, to ask for pointers on how to use the US intelligence apparatus to assassinate his opponents, harass the media, intimidate nongovernmental organizations, and round up hooligans and rootless cosmopolitans.

Source: White House Plans to Have Trump Ally Review Intelligence Agencies – The New York Times