Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

Washington Post roasts Giuliani’s media performance: Opinion | Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

I say it’s time to just throw random questions at America’s Mayor and watch what happens:

  1. Do you think Trump’s casinos will make money this year?
  2. Have you tried Trump Vodka?
  3. Who’s in charge of the Trump legal strategy?
  4. Does the President plan to sleep with any more porn stars?
  5. Who’s a better lawyer, Jay Sekulow or Ty Cobb?
  6. How long will it take you to get up to speed on the facts?
  7. Have you ever paid off a porn star for yourself?
  8. Have you ever paid off a porn star for a client?
  9. What kind of messes do important attorneys like yourself clean up for their clients?
  10. How do you know that there was no collusion between the President and Putin?

Don’t forget the popcorn!

Quote of the Day: Michael R. Caputo


Michael R. Caputo, Republican political consultant and friend of Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, on what it’s like to be grilled by Mueller’s team of attorneys:

“They weren’t pulling any punches, I don’t think I’m going to be friending them on Facebook any time soon.”

Source: ‘It’s all about collusion’: Former Trump adviser details interview with special counsel’s team – ABC News

NRA Convention Bans Guns To Protect Mike Pence

Feel free to fill in your own joke.

Source: NRA Convention Bans Guns To Protect Mike Pence. Parkland Survivors’ Jaws Drop. | HuffPost



The Bitemaster reveals Trump’s future

As everyone knows, the Bitemaster rarely engages in prognostication but, just this once, he’s going to reveal what Special Counsel Robert Mueller has in store for Donald Trump:

A RICO indictment.

At least in the Eighth Circuit*, a proper RICO claim must allege the following four elements:

  1. conduct
  2. of an enterprise
  3. through a pattern
  4. of racketeering activity.

How does Trump qualify under RICO?

  1. conduct — this requirement is met when the defendants carry out the directions of the enterprise, or direct the enterprise themselves.
  2. of an enterprise — I’m less sure about this one, but the Trump Organization might qualify
  3. through a pattern — Oh, Lordy, is there a pattern!
  4. of racketeering activity — many different crimes qualify for this, such as obstruction of justice.


* Different circuits have slightly different rules on this, but the Eighth Circuit was the easiest to find in a quick Web search.

Questions I’d like to ask President Trump

  1. What will you do to Robert Mueller after you fire him?
  2. Do you plan to sleep with any more porn stars?
  3. What’s the best part of being Commander in Chief of the world’s strongest army?
  4. Why don’t you just lock up Crooked Hillary?
  5. Will you grant yourself a pardon?
  6. In the war between Amazon and Walmart, which side are you on?
  7. Which country has spent the most at Mar-a-Lago since you became President?


Hat-tip to “Stuttering” John Melendez!

Rep. Ted Lieu (D-Calif.) BURNS Scott Pruitt

Poor Administrator Scott Pruitt. He’s been under fire for his corrupt practices at the EPA. Fortunately, Ted Lieu has sprung to his defense in a recent tweet:

Dear @realDonaldTrump: Dem wave continues to get stronger. So now I’m thinking, please don’t fire @EPAScottPruitt. He’s such a great symbol of the corruption and fraud, waste & abuse in your Administration.

Can you please do more toxic rallies & bring Pruitt with you? Thanks. 

Trade wars are easy to win, Mr. President?

The stock market and the farmers are freaking out over Trump’s trade war, the trade war he said would be “easy to win.”

Sure, I think he’s an idiot, but what if I’m wrong? When Trump’s casinos went belly up, Trump out-played the bankers, living by the adage:

If you owe the bank £100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank £100m, that’s the bank’s problem. [source]

So let’s go back to China: We raise tariffs, they respond in kind. Currently, we’re talking hundreds of billions of dollars. By the time you read this, the tariff threats will be in the quintillions of dollars. Then China goes to the “nuclear option” and announces that they will stop buying US debt. Everybody freaks out and Wall Street types start taking headers from their office buildings.

What does Trump do? He threatens to cancel the T-bills, notes, and bonds that China holds. Xi Jinping apologizes, the two autocrats negotiate a trade deal that is slightly more favorable to the US than the pre-war arrangement, and they hold a joint press conference in which they bestow outrageous compliments upon one another.

See — it was easy.

Biteme Exclusive: Andrew Cuomo running for Mayor of NYC!

It’s been rumored for months, but now Biteme can exclusively report that our sources have confirmed that New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo is running against NYC Mayor de Blasio this year.

Cuomo has named the campaign organization Fix NYC. A campaign manager has not yet been named, but knowledgeable insiders expect it to be Joe Percoco, if his trial ends in an acquittal. The campaign slogan will be “Vote for Cuomo not the homo..”

Cumo’s key strategy will be to starve the MTA and NYCHA of funds, then blame de Blasio for their failures. The campaign plans to run advertising touting the governor’s many successes, such as preventing radioactive leaks at Indian Point, posturing about safety at homeless shelters, sending state troopers into the City to make it safe for the Peace Loving residents there, ending the scandal of nipples in Times Square, and putting an end to corruption in Albany.

Lawrence O’Donnell embarrasses himself on MSNBC

O’Donnell was speaking with Robert Reich about Trump’s steel tariffs and said that Trump was totally ignorant about economics.

O’Donnell graduated from Harvard with a major in Economics. Trump graduated from Wharton with a B.S. in Economics. Reich studied some Economics in the PPE program at Oxford, but has no Economics degree.

Trump may be (ok. make that “definitely is”) an idiot but, at least on paper. he knows as much economics as O’Donnell or Reich.

The Bitemaster calls “Bullshit!” on O’Donnell.