Click to listen to Michele Bachmann and then answer this quiz:
- Has the Bitemaster finally gone so far in putting words into people’s mouths that he’s passed the bounds of satire?
- Is Michele Bachmann suffering from a neurological disorder?
Click to listen to Michele Bachmann and then answer this quiz:
Amazon (assets: $65 billion) plans to charge restaurants 30% of each bill and Uber is expected to charge 27.5%. If you hate a restaurant and want to fuck it over, be sure to order through one of these new apps.
In response to the nuclear leak at Indian Point, NY Governor Cuomo has formed an expert working group to be headed by former EPA head Christine Todd Whitman. Her chief of staff is expected to be Michael DeWayne “Brownie” Brown. Flint Michigan Emergency Manager Ed Kurtz was briefly considered for a position with the working group, but was rejected as “too qualified.”
To our nation’s founders, happiness was a right of man. So would they be pleased to learn that modern day Americans are indeed happy? In fact, the majority of U.S. adults today describe themselves as “very happy.” Happiness appears to be an equal opportunity emotion, striking men, women, whites, nonwhites, young, and old in similar degrees. Marriage is associated with higher rates of happiness, but more money doesn’t necessarily buy greater happiness. The rate of happiness is depressed [ha!] among low-income Americans, but it levels off at a higher rate in households earning $30,000 or more.
In response to the Bitemaster’s rants about happiness (e.g., are women any happier now that they have the vote?), Correspondent Jeffrey Wilheim has provided a link to an actual study of people’s happiness: A Nation of Happy People
It’s time for another installment of Professor H.O. Hell’s Constitutional Lectures You Wish You Didn’t Read.
In this case, we’re covering the relatively recent strikedown of the Defense of Marriage Act by the Supreme Court. One of the cornerstones of the argument against DOMA was that the Fourteenth Amendment guarantees rights to all. It’s even sort of true. Sort of. The thing is that it goes only one way. It protects citizens from States interfering in rights granted by the Federal government. It was part of the reforms rammed down the throats of the South after the Civil War (you need to rejoin the Union and we won’t let you unless you agree to these Amendments).
The point here is that the Fourteenth Amendment was intended as a way to stop Jim Crow. As we all know, that failed wonderfully because of judicial activism which ruled that it only applied to the federal government. It’s hard to understand how they kept a straight face while presenting that decision. People think judicial activism is entirely something perpetrated by liberals trying to make the world a better place and forget that many things have plenty of history with “conservative” persons (perhaps stagnant reactionaries would be a better term).
Setting all that aside, the Fourteenth Amendment was the point of this article. I’m not saying that the right to marry shouldn’t be spread evenly (why shouldn’t everyone have the right to suffer equally–ha ha ha), but that the foundation for that should not be sought within the Fourteenth Amendment which says nothing about the federal government giving equal protections. If, on the other hand, you want to know why Extraordinary Rendition is unconstitutional, you can always find it there.
And now that you know, you can’t unknow it.
Professor H.O. Hell
Bad news for Ted Cruz supporters. It turns out that the popular candidate (not the populist candidate) for President is not, in fact, a citizen of our great nation. This is a slight problem, because it happens to be a requirement for the job of President. To be specific one must be either a natural born citizen or have been a citizen at the time of the adoption of the Constitution. For those of you wondering, I suspect that the meaning of the second half of that requirement is because the Articles of Confederation had been extant at the time and therefore there was something resembling a United States, even if it has little similarity to the home of the free.
Actually, it’s worse than it seems. He’s illegally holding the office of Senator as well, since one must be a citizen of the United States. As he maintains he is a natural born citizen, I doubt he’s ever been naturalized. Fortunately for those of us with some degree of sanity remaining in our souls, to be a citizen, one must be born in the United States or be naturalized and be subject to the jurisdiction of the United States. It’s a funny old world, but the Fourteenth Amendment does actually set out rules for citizenship.
Does this mean he can’t have been added by Congress (who are given the power to determine the procedure for citizenship)? Not at all. But it does mean that those of us out there who read the Constitution itself instead of our preconceived notions (precious few of us out there and virtually none are the ones who call themselves “originalists”–more on that another time) will find ourselves joyful in knowing that Ted Cruz is on the outs.
Until Next Time,
Professor H.O. Hell
Daniel E. Musso Sr., 54, of East Kingston, New Hampshire, who wants to get back to the “original Constitution,” was arrested by the FBI on Wednesday after he purchased grenades from an undercover agent, telling him he had another $200,000 on hand to buy C-4 explosives and “rocket-type stuff.”
Here at the Biteme International Headquarters and Hot Dog Emporium, we love the idea of returning to the original constitution. Just think of it:
And, finally, my personal favorite:
The East Harlem shelter where a man was nearly decapitated by a mentally-ill resident was raided by cops on the hunt for hidden weapons.
Correction! The Bitemaster saw a headline that refereed to the “DHS” and jumped to the conclusion that it was referring to the Department of Homeland Security. In fact, the article was referring to the NYC Department of Homeless Services. The Bitemaster regrets the error and promises to never, ever make a mistake again.
Now that Deven Black has been murdered at a Harlem homeless shelter, public officials are falling over each other to show that they’re doing something about his tragic death.
Obama sent in the Department of Homeland Security. WTF? The murder was both horrible and senseless but it had nothing to do with national security.
Governor Cuomo ordered the City to post an officer at the shelter until the DHS is done there. What the City needs is more state funding for rent subsidies, shelters and mental health services. Instead, it gets a meaningless gesture by a Governor whose current preoccupation is with showing that his is bigger than the Mayor’s.
De Blasio has assigned 24/7 peace officers and extra staff at intake centers and residences. This, at least, is useful, if too late for Mr. Black.
The city’s homeless problem goes back over thirty years. Thanks to city and state initiatives, housing for poor people was replaced by housing for the well-to-do, and tens of thousands were ejected from state mental hospitals to fend for themselves on city streets.
It’s a sorry mess, exacerbated by homeless advocates who opposed crackdowns on criminals in the shelters.
Does the Bitemaster have a solution? Not really. But he thinks that the return of Class B Multiple Dwellings (i.e., housing for poor people) and improved mental health services would go a long way. Even if it’s too late to save the life of Deven Black.
Dr. Anjali Ramkissoonis a neurology resident employed by Jackson Health System in Miami. In the early hours of Sunday, January 17th, 2016, she was out with friends, called for an Uber car, and when a different passenger’s Uber car arrived, she tried to commandeer it, taking the driver’s keys, tried to punch him in the face, then kneed him in the groin and tried to destroy his car, all the while showing the brattiest, rudest, most entitled behavior possible. In full view of a video camera she bullied him and mocked him for being powerless to stop it. When confronted by the police, she cried and begged and played the “But I’m a doctor!” card to get out of it.
Go to the unofficial Anjali Ramkissoon home page for videos, photos, and more juicy details.
Source: Anjali Ramkissoon
Thanks to MrMild, we’ve learned that filmmaker Charlie Lyne made a 10 hour film of paint drying, then raised money on Kickstarter to pay the British Board of Film Classification to watch the damn thing.
Apparently, any movie shown in the UK must be rated by the Board, and getting rated costs about $10 per minute. Once a film is submitted with the proper fee, two examiners sit and watch it while taking notes. They then use those notes to decide on a rating.
You can imagine that Lynn doesn’t like the system, but he’s now forced a pair of those civil servants to sit in a dark screening room in Soho Square and watch 607 minutes of paint drying.
Let’s hoist a pint of warm beer to Charlie Lyne.
PS: The film was rated “U,” meaning “no material likely to offend or harm.”