How should Merkel respond to Trump insults?

Trump has been attacking Germany and Chancellor Angela Merkel since before he took office. Yet Merkel’s responses have been unnecessarily tame. She should have consulted me.

I have been drinking deeply from the bescumbered river of Trump’s tweets and can state with authority that the following riposte would get his attention:

I slept with Melania and she said that your dick is so small that she needed a magnifying glass to find it, but it didn’t matter since it’s been years since you could get it up.

Source: Ex-NATO Amb. Burns: Trump insults distract from Germany-Russia issue

Thanks to Novobatzky and Shea’s Depraved English, Maledicta, and Jeremy Sherman.

Hot Steaming Mess at White House Correspondents’ Association

The annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner featured comedian Michelle Wolf as this year’s headliner. Apparently her jokes caused some controversy.

Donald Trump hated Wolf’s performance, saying she “totally bombed (couldn’t even deliver her lines-much like the Seth Meyers weak performance).” Ha ha! Seth Myers totally killed at the dinner in 2011!

Publications such as The Hill were scandalized by Wolf’s routine, as were several journalists. (They should reread Martin Niemoeller’s famous poem.)

WHCA President Margaret Talev issued a groveling apology to her members. Why? Because her organization handles credentialing of the journalists who cover the White House and she is probably afraid that Trump will take that away from her.

Does it matter? Not really; there’s really no need for credentialed White House correspondents anymore. The latest insight into the President’s thinking doesn’t come from his press office, it comes from his Tweets.

What we need from the mainstream media these days is rigorous analysis, historical context and investigative journalism, which they do . . . passably.

Source: Journalists Push Back On Correspondents’ Association’s Response To Michelle Wolf | HuffPost

Impeach Nancy Pelosi!

In response to Trump’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy, Rep. Maxine Waters called for zero tolerance of Trump administration officials:

And if you see anybody from that Cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd. And you push back on them. And you tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere. We’ve got to get the children connected to their parents.

Trump predictably fired back, calling Waters “an extraordinarily low IQ person.”

Did Pelosi, House Minority Leader, stick up for her fellow Democratic representative? Not on your life. Instead, she caved to Trump and called for more civility . . . on both sides:

Trump’s daily lack of civility has provoked responses that are predictable but unacceptable.

Pelosi is a coward.

Source: Nancy Pelosi rebukes Maxine Waters for comments on Trump administration

Top Democratic Congressman Loses Seat To N.Y. Democratic Socialist In Huge Upset

In the biggest primary upset of 2018, powerful Rep. Joe Crowley (D-N.Y.) lost his seat to progressive political newcomer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on Tuesday.

When asked whether she would accept a meeting with President Donald Trump, Ocasio-Cortez responded:

Probably not. I would probably want conditions. I would make demands, I’m not gonna give him a photo-op because he wants it.

She should have said, “I’ll know I’ve really arrived when he attacks me on Twitter. After that, we’ll see.”

Source: Top Democratic Congressman Loses Seat To N.Y. Democratic Socialist In Huge Upset | HuffPost

Trump and North Korea — the Bitemaster weighs in

Now that President Trump has met with Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un and signed some sort of agreement, the world has been clamoring for my reaction to this momentous event.

  1. Trump is the world’s worst negotiator. He gave Israel what they wanted when he moved the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem, but he got nothing in return. Now he’s given Kim what he wanted: international legitimacy. And again got nothing in return. And, to sweeten the deal for Kim, Trump agreed to halt the “very provocative” military exercises that the U.S. holds in South Korea.
  2. It looks to me like Trump is forming a new Axis of Evil, consisting of the U.S., Russia and North Korea.
  3. Mr Mild points out that Trump’s recent actions are indistinguishable from what he would do if he were being given orders from Moscow. (“Comrade Trump, attack Mexico, piss off Canada, undermine the E.U. and kiss up to North Korea. This will make you one Great Leader.”)

On the other hand, Professor Hell points out that every time I try to see a plan in Trump’s actions, I’m wrong. And so it goes.

Drugmaker Sanofi trolls Roseanne Barr

Quote

Sanofi’s sleeping pill Ambien has a long list of potential side effects, from dizziness to diarrhea to a midnight food binge. Racism is not among them, the French drugmaker said on Wednesday.

Sanofi responded after Roseanne Barr blamed “Ambien tweeting” for a racial slur against former Obama administration adviser Valerie Jarrett.

“While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.”

Source: Sanofi to Roseanne: Racism Not Among Ambien’s Side Effects – Bloomberg

An open letter to NYC Mayor de Blasio

Dear Jackass,

Now that your secret emails have become public, we’ve learned how much you hate the media. Apparently you never read Robert Townsend’s Up the Organization (1970), especially the part where he warns not to put anything in writing that you don’t want to come out later.

In response, you headed over to Room 9 to throw a hissy fit. In true Trumpian fashion, you didn’t apologize, you doubled down and flung further attacks on all three of the city’s newspapers.

You could have said, “As Mayor, you take a lot of heat. It’s part of the job and every Mayor has to deal with it. But sometimes it gets under your skin, so you vent to friends and associates. Afterwards, you go back to your job of doing the best you can for the citizens of this great city.”

That would have been my advice, But what do I know? I’m just a blogger here in the Transbaikal. I suggest that the next time the yak dung hits the fan and you’re thinking of holding a presser, you first consult with Mrs. Presser.

Sincerely,

Jerome Biteman, Editor
www.biteme.me

Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

Washington Post roasts Giuliani’s media performance: Opinion | Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

I say it’s time to just throw random questions at America’s Mayor and watch what happens:

  1. Do you think Trump’s casinos will make money this year?
  2. Have you tried Trump Vodka?
  3. Who’s in charge of the Trump legal strategy?
  4. Does the President plan to sleep with any more porn stars?
  5. Who’s a better lawyer, Jay Sekulow or Ty Cobb?
  6. How long will it take you to get up to speed on the facts?
  7. Have you ever paid off a porn star for yourself?
  8. Have you ever paid off a porn star for a client?
  9. What kind of messes do important attorneys like yourself clean up for their clients?
  10. How do you know that there was no collusion between the President and Putin?

Don’t forget the popcorn!