Feel free to fill in your own joke.
As everyone knows, the Bitemaster rarely engages in prognostication but, just this once, he’s going to reveal what Special Counsel Robert Mueller has in store for Donald Trump:
A RICO indictment.
At least in the Eighth Circuit*, a proper RICO claim must allege the following four elements:
- of an enterprise
- through a pattern
- of racketeering activity.
How does Trump qualify under RICO?
- conduct — this requirement is met when the defendants carry out the directions of the enterprise, or direct the enterprise themselves.
- of an enterprise — I’m less sure about this one, but the Trump Organization might qualify
- through a pattern — Oh, Lordy, is there a pattern!
- of racketeering activity — many different crimes qualify for this, such as obstruction of justice.
* Different circuits have slightly different rules on this, but the Eighth Circuit was the easiest to find in a quick Web search.
- What will you do to Robert Mueller after you fire him?
- Do you plan to sleep with any more porn stars?
- What’s the best part of being Commander in Chief of the world’s strongest army?
- Why don’t you just lock up Crooked Hillary?
- Will you grant yourself a pardon?
- In the war between Amazon and Walmart, which side are you on?
- Which country has spent the most at Mar-a-Lago since you became President?
Hat-tip to “Stuttering” John Melendez!
Poor Administrator Scott Pruitt. He’s been under fire for his corrupt practices at the EPA. Fortunately, Ted Lieu has sprung to his defense in a recent tweet:
Dear @realDonaldTrump: Dem wave continues to get stronger. So now I’m thinking, please don’t fire @EPAScottPruitt. He’s such a great symbol of the corruption and fraud, waste & abuse in your Administration.
Can you please do more toxic rallies & bring Pruitt with you? Thanks. https://twitter.com/justinjm1/status/982628769184829441 …
Sure, I think he’s an idiot, but what if I’m wrong? When Trump’s casinos went belly up, Trump out-played the bankers, living by the adage:
If you owe the bank £100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank £100m, that’s the bank’s problem. [source]
So let’s go back to China: We raise tariffs, they respond in kind. Currently, we’re talking hundreds of billions of dollars. By the time you read this, the tariff threats will be in the quintillions of dollars. Then China goes to the “nuclear option” and announces that they will stop buying US debt. Everybody freaks out and Wall Street types start taking headers from their office buildings.
What does Trump do? He threatens to cancel the T-bills, notes, and bonds that China holds. Xi Jinping apologizes, the two autocrats negotiate a trade deal that is slightly more favorable to the US than the pre-war arrangement, and they hold a joint press conference in which they bestow outrageous compliments upon one another.
See — it was easy.