LAKE BAIKAL, RUSSIAN FEDERATION — Mar 4, 2016: This morning, Rudolfo Biteme, Chairman and CEO of the Biteme Media Group, announced that Biteme, the world’s finest news source that nobody reads, is endorsing Donald John Trump for President of the United States. Mr. Biteme said, “Donald Trump embodies the Biteme values of maximum bluster and minimum facts that have guided my entire media career. He also has a very big penis.”
Correction: Biteme neglected to to mention that a related entity, the Biteme Gazette, had already endorsed Trump for President. We regret the error.