Today, shortly after Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States, the Editorial Board of the Biteme Gazette announced that it has endorsed Mr. Trump.
Editor-in-Chief James “Junior” Biteman said, “We are proud to be the first major news outlet to get behind the Trump campaign. No one embodies the American Dream like Donald Trump — the dream of some day having so much money that you can tell the whole world to go fuck themselves.”
At his recent announcement, Trump laid out some of his major policy objectives:
“I would do various things very quickly. I would repeal and replace the big lie, Obamacare.”
“I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall.”
“I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons.”
“I’m really rich.”
The Democratic National Committee responded to Trump’s announcement with a statement: “Today, Donald Trump became the second major Republican candidate to announce for president in two days. He adds some much-needed seriousness that has previously been lacking from the GOP field, and we look forward to hearing more about his ideas for the nation.”