Today, J.P.Biteman, CEO of Biteme Consolidated Technologies, announced that BCT is eliminating most of its in-house IT staff and transitioning to a managed service provider. Mr. Biteman said the purpose is to “focus on making significant, strategic changes that can benefit our customers. An important part of our corporate reorganization, it will make our enterprise more current and nimble, reduce costs when possible, and allow technology operations to focus on producing more innovations. Overall, we expect this to yield a big improvement in the customer experience.”
Source: Pink Slips at Disney. But First, Training Foreign Replacements. – NYTimes.com
Dear Mr. Biteman:
Effective immediately, your CEO salary is capped at 1% of net corporate profits, your benefit package will be the same as your part-time employees’, your stock options have been rescinded, your year-end bonus has been cancelled and your pension plan has been divested with all contributions, personal and corporate, to be “retroactively redistributed” to former IT staff whose positions were outsourced last January by BCT Executive Fiat. Our Pakistan Outsourcing Directorate has issued you an H-1B visa in order to expedite your mandatory humanitarian re-education in the People’s Republic of China.
Furthermore, in an emergency meeting held yesterday, the BCT Employees Directorate has amended the corporate bylaws to eliminate all superfluous, overpaid and inefficient top-tier executive positions. In order to mitigate unnecessary hardship and humiliation, BCT ED voted to award all current executives a generous two-week termination notice period. Your employment will be terminated effective June 20, 2015.
For our employees, these changes are guaranteed to increase salaries, eliminate financial hardship, improve emotional and physical well-being, boost standard of living and create heretofore unknown levels of productivity, job satisfaction and loyalty.
Please contact the BCT Human Resources Directorate with any questions. We look forward to re-employing you at the standard base salary when your re-education is complete.