New York City Police Commissioner William Joseph Bratton CBE has clarified that the recent outrage over the violent takedown of James Blake outside the Grand Hyatt Hotel is misplaced, saying, “The NYPD will no longer coddle white collar criminals. In the past, those accused of so-called street crimes got body slammed while the white collar guys got to arrange through their attorney for a quiet surrender to authorities. No longer. From now on, all suspected crooks get body slammed, thrown to the ground and handcuffed. It’s only fair.”
When asked about Blake being black as well as being the wrong guy, Bratton said, “Mistakes get made and and when we make them, we apologize. So far, both the Mayor and I have apologized to Mr. Blake. What more does he want from us? Blood?”
When pressed about the arresting officer, James Frascatore, being in plainclothes, not identifying himself as a police officer, and having a documented history of excessive force, the Commissioner said, “sit down already, let someone else ask a question, ok?”
Note: I made up some of this.