Donald Trump for President

Donald Trump says “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”

Today, shortly after Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States, the Editorial Board of the Biteme Gazette announced that it has endorsed Mr. Trump.

Editor-in-Chief James “Junior” Biteman said, “We are proud to be the first major news outlet to get behind the Trump campaign. No one embodies the American Dream like Donald Trump — the dream of some day having so much money that you can tell the whole world to go fuck themselves.”

At his recent announcement, Trump laid out some of his major policy objectives:

“I would do various things very quickly. I would repeal and replace the big lie, Obamacare.”

“I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that wall.”

“I will stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons.”

“I’m really rich.”

The Democratic National Committee responded to Trump’s announcement with a statement: “Today, Donald Trump became the second major Republican candidate to announce for president in two days. He adds some much-needed seriousness that has previously been lacking from the GOP field, and we look forward to hearing more about his ideas for the nation.”

Source: Donald Trump Announces 2016 Presidential Campaign: ‘We Are Going Make our Country Great Again’ – ABC News

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo appoints Moreland Commission to investigate prison break

Today, Governor Cuomo appointed an investigatory commission under the Moreland Act to determine the cause of the escape of David Sweat and Richard Matt from the Clinton Correctional Facility in Dannemora, NY.

Ninety minutes later, the Governor dissolved the commission, saying “their work is done. I commend all the members of the commission [most of whom had not yet been appointed] for their dedication and hard work. Anyone who thinks this was just a publicity stunt doesn’t appreciate my commitment to the safety and security of all New Yorkers.”

Preet Bharara, U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, has requested all files of the commission. When asked whether there would be indictments, Bharara would only say, “Stay tuned.”

Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. frees white gunman

Vladimir Gotlibovsky shot a woman at a Waldorf-Astoria wedding in New York, handed the weapon to his brother, Felix Gotlibovsky, who passed the 9mm Ruger to his wife.

In all, five people were hit: the shooting victim and four who were hit by shrapnel or ricochet debris.

No one is being charged in the incident. Apparently, Gotlibovsky has a permit to carry a gun and shoot people at weddings. Further, it seems that the permit also covers those who subsequently try to hide the weapon.

When asked, Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. denied through a spokesman that Gotlibovsky’s pasty white skin had anything to do with his being set free.

Source: Man not charged after Waldorf Astoria shooting

The Biteme Report on Greece

The Biteme Think Tank, somewhat aslosh in ouzo, olives and feta cheese, has been studying the Greece problem.

We previously noted that Greece is screwed. For decades, Greek governments of both the right and left have been cooking the books to disguise the actual state of their economy. (And during that period, most of the country’s prime ministers had degrees in economics!) Today, Greece is no less screwed, mainly because the citizenry still has no stomach for financial retrenchment.

So what should the economic powerhouses of Europe (i.e., Germany) do? Cutting Greece off from further loans could have a destabilizing effect on the whole of the EU. On the other hand, not doing so would just be throwing good money after bad,

On balance, we think they should cut Greece loose and concentrate on shoring up Spain and Italy.

Idaho Republicans want public schools to use the Bible as a science and law textbook

Here is the language, in pertinent part:

Be it further resolved, that the Idaho County Republican Central Committee encourages the Idaho legislature to draft and support a bill stating that the Bible is expressly permitted to be used in Idaho public schools for reference purposes to further the study of literature, comparative religion, English and foreign languages, U.S. and world history, comparative government, law, philosophy, ethics, astronomy, biology, world geography, archaeology, music, sociology, and other topics of study where an understanding of the Bible may be useful or relevant.

It’s odd that the good burghers of Idaho left mathematics off their list. After all, 1 Kings 7:23 definitively gives the value of pi as 3. None of that bullshit “trillion digits of pi.” Ignoring the Bible on that would be irrational.

Source: Idaho Republicans: Public schools should use the Bible as a science and law textbook

Men’s rights group wants to march in Toronto Pride parade

When a bunch of men’s rights activists apply to march in a gay pride parade, everyone gets all hot and bothered.

The men’s rights group, CAFE (Canadian Association for Equality), says “The values of Pride are inclusion and diversity, and those are our values.”

The Bitemaster — who has personally marched in a pride parade — has little patience for political orthodoxy and has no more problem with these guys marching in a pride parade, than with gays who want to march in a St. Patrick’s Day parade.

“What about the Klan? Should they be allowed in a pride parade?” Sure, as long as they’re wearing rainbow-colored robes.

Source: Pride Toronto faces controversy over application from men’s rights group to march in parade

It’s a federal crime to delete incriminating evidence from your computer

Yup, you can be prosecuted under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act for clearing your browser history. In other words, according to the feds, you have an affirmative duty to preserve evidence that could later be used against you.

Unless you have something to hide, this is not a problem. But it would make compliance much easier if the government would just provide cloud storage for all our data.

Source: You Can Be Prosecuted for Clearing Your Browser History | The Nation

Cf.: Call the NSA for email backup

What’s wrong with Alice Goffman’s book on crime?

Since her book “On the Run” was published, the author has achieved a measure of fame that is rare​ for a young sociologist, but ​she now faces criticism over her facts and methods.

Alice Goffman’s book about low-income black men and their interactions with the police, On the Run: Fugitive Life in an American City, was published last year to glowing reviews. Now the shit is hitting the fan.

Here are some things to consider:

  1. The Oprah Syndrome. Oprah frequently fell in love with supposedly non-fiction books which struck a responsive chord with her, only to find later that they were just made up. There is little doubt that some of the early encomia for Goffman’s work were by people who fell victim to the Oprah Syndrome.
  2. Schadenfreude. Now that Goffman has been built up, our jealousy is satisfied by tearing her down. If it weren’t for Schadenfreude, we here at Biteme.me would have nothing to live for.
  3. Steven Lubet, a law professor at Northwestern University, has raised the question of whether Goffman technically committed a crime during her six years of hanging with the black underclass of Philadelphia. For this, Lubet got himself prominently mentioned in the New York Times, which is more than than can be said for the ink-stained wretches here in the BiteCastle.
  4. Goffman wrote that she learned from Philadelphia police officers that officers visiting hospitals regularly run the names of patients and visitors through criminal databases, arresting those with outstanding warrants. Law professor James Forman has queried public defenders and civil rights lawyers in Philadelphia and found no one who could confirm Goffman’s account. This at least raises a serious question about the accuracy of Goffman’s reporting.
  5. The Times says that “some sociologists counter that ethnography is concerned not just with facts but with people’s perceptions of those facts, which powerfully shape their behavior and experience.” Sure, but if Goffman reports her subjects’ perceptions as if they were facts not perceptions, she’s engaging in polemics, hagiography, homiletics . . . or fiction.
  6. While we’re at it, the Times refers to “some sociologists” without naming which ones. Cute maneuver, there. By proximity, they imply that they’re referring to Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland. But maybe not. Maybe they just pulled “some sociologists” out of their ass.
  7. Lastly, the Times attributes to ethnographer Victor Rios the opinion that Goffman’s focus on “outrageous criminal exploits” gives a distorted picture. But the Times only quotes three words out of Rios’ mouth: “outrageous criminal exploits.” They made up the rest.

Since everyone turns to the Bitemaster for guidance on how to think about such Important Issues, here’s our take:

  • Alice Goffman has written one hell of an interesting book.
  • There are some questions about its reliability.
  • As usual, the Times muddies the waters.
  • Other than that, you’re on your own, kiddies.

Source: Alice Goffman’s Heralded Book on Crime Is Disputed

Biteme Consolidated Technologies, parent company of Biteme.Me, announces new “right size” initiative

Today, J.P.Biteman, CEO of Biteme Consolidated Technologies, announced that BCT is eliminating most of its in-house IT staff and transitioning to a managed service provider. Mr. Biteman said the purpose is to “focus on making significant, strategic changes that can benefit our customers. An important part of our corporate reorganization, it will make our enterprise more current and nimble, reduce costs when possible, and allow technology operations to focus on producing more innovations. Overall, we expect this to yield a big improvement in the customer experience.”

Source: Pink Slips at Disney. But First, Training Foreign Replacements. – NYTimes.com

Change.org petition raises serious question about Caitlyn Jenner’s Olympic medal

A recent petition at Change.org asks the International Olympic Committee to revoke Caitlyn Jenner’s gold medals, arguing that she didn’t qualify to compete as a man if she identified as a woman.

Of course Raw Story mocks the petition, but I think a real issue is being raised here: What makes one male or female?

  • external sexual characteristics
  • chromosomes
  • self-identification
  • something else

If self-identification is the standard and Jenner always identified as a woman, shouldn’t she have to give the medals back?

If self-identification is the standard, wasn’t Mike Huckabee right when he said boys could claim to be transwomen and go into the girls’ locker rooms?

If chromosomes are the standard, what right did Renee Clark have to compete against women in tennis?

If external sexual characteristics are the standard, then it would be clear that people who look like women because of androgen insensitivity (in spite of being genetically male), really are women.

In the face of all this confusion, the Bitemaster sets forth his progressive proposal: get rid of gender distinctions altogether.

  • No more women’s and men’s sports — players would be selected solely on merit
  • No more “marriage is between a man and a woman” — it would be between any two consenting adults
  • No more “women get paid less than men” — people get paid what they’re worth in the free market
  • No more Men’s and Women’s bathrooms, locker rooms, or changing rooms — everything would be unisex
  • No more “women’s clothing stores” — everyone would be free to buy a dress if they like and dresses would be available in tall sizes with broad shoulders as well as shorter sizes with more room across the chest and hips.

It will take some getting used to, but change is never easy.

Source: Petition seeks to strip Caitlyn Jenner of Olympic medal