Jeff Sessions stands between us and the abyss

Under increasing attack from Trump and Lindsey Graham, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions stands firm in maintaining the independence of the Justice Department.

While I am attorney general, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political considerations.

I demand the highest standards, and where they are not met, I take action. However, no nation has a more talented, more dedicated group of law enforcement investigators and prosecutors than the United States.

The Biteme Commissariat for Editorial Policy disagrees with Sessions on . . . almost everything. A quick sample would include the death penalty, civil forfeiture, immigration, sanctuary cities, medical marijuana, etc., etc., and so forth.

On the other hand, he has stood strong in opposition to Trump’s attempts to use the DOJ as Trump’s personal Star Chamber.

And for that, we offer AG Sessions our hearty support.

The Bitemaster talks about patriotism

The Bitemaster stands for the National Anthem, but supports those who kneel in protest against police brutality and racial injustice.

The Bitemaster despises the swifboating of John Kerry. It was one of the most dishonorable actions of George W. Bush’s presidential campaign.

The Bitemaster despises Donald Trump’s insults of Gold Star Mother Ghazala Khan.

The Bitemaster salutes our service members even when he disagrees with their politics. And that goes double for John McCain. Unlike Captain Bone Spur, McCain earned the right to to spout off on any damn thing he wants — even when I think he’s wrong.

I’m no showy patriot, but I have nothing against pledging allegiance to the American flag. But the flag lapel pin has become a symbol of fake patriotism, proudly worn by those who would destroy the Constitution and betray the US to Russia.

And the American right-wing is full of “sovereign citizens,” tax protesters, secessionists like Todd Palin, and other anti-American types.

Which brings me to standing for “God Bless America,” which is now played at American baseball stadia. Should one stand for it? It’s just a song, not the National Anthem. So I asked one of the most decent men I know, himself a veteran of Vietnam. He said he stands in honor of his friends who died there. Good enough for me. Next time, I stand.

 

Everybody wants to be in a gang!

  • Jewish immigrants
  • Irish immigrants
  • Italian immigrants
  • Puerto Rican immigrants
  • Black migrants
  • Mexican immigrants
  • Dominican immigrants
  • White supremacists
  • ISIS recruits
  • Trump supporters

The poor, the outsiders, and the disappointed are all prospects for gang membership.

Are there gangs for happy WASPS, too? Well, there’s always the Episcopal Church, the Club for Growth and the Social Register.

How should Merkel respond to Trump insults?

Trump has been attacking Germany and Chancellor Angela Merkel since before he took office. Yet Merkel’s responses have been unnecessarily tame. She should have consulted me.

I have been drinking deeply from the bescumbered river of Trump’s tweets and can state with authority that the following riposte would get his attention:

I slept with Melania and she said that your dick is so small that she needed a magnifying glass to find it, but it didn’t matter since it’s been years since you could get it up.

Source: Ex-NATO Amb. Burns: Trump insults distract from Germany-Russia issue

Thanks to Novobatzky and Shea’s Depraved English, Maledicta, and Jeremy Sherman.

Hot Steaming Mess at White House Correspondents’ Association

The annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner featured comedian Michelle Wolf as this year’s headliner. Apparently her jokes caused some controversy.

Donald Trump hated Wolf’s performance, saying she “totally bombed (couldn’t even deliver her lines-much like the Seth Meyers weak performance).” Ha ha! Seth Myers totally killed at the dinner in 2011!

Publications such as The Hill were scandalized by Wolf’s routine, as were several journalists. (They should reread Martin Niemoeller’s famous poem.)

WHCA President Margaret Talev issued a groveling apology to her members. Why? Because her organization handles credentialing of the journalists who cover the White House and she is probably afraid that Trump will take that away from her.

Does it matter? Not really; there’s really no need for credentialed White House correspondents anymore. The latest insight into the President’s thinking doesn’t come from his press office, it comes from his Tweets.

What we need from the mainstream media these days is rigorous analysis, historical context and investigative journalism, which they do . . . passably.

Source: Journalists Push Back On Correspondents’ Association’s Response To Michelle Wolf | HuffPost

Trump and North Korea — the Bitemaster weighs in

Now that President Trump has met with Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un and signed some sort of agreement, the world has been clamoring for my reaction to this momentous event.

  1. Trump is the world’s worst negotiator. He gave Israel what they wanted when he moved the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem, but he got nothing in return. Now he’s given Kim what he wanted: international legitimacy. And again got nothing in return. And, to sweeten the deal for Kim, Trump agreed to halt the “very provocative” military exercises that the U.S. holds in South Korea.
  2. It looks to me like Trump is forming a new Axis of Evil, consisting of the U.S., Russia and North Korea.
  3. Mr Mild points out that Trump’s recent actions are indistinguishable from what he would do if he were being given orders from Moscow. (“Comrade Trump, attack Mexico, piss off Canada, undermine the E.U. and kiss up to North Korea. This will make you one Great Leader.”)

On the other hand, Professor Hell points out that every time I try to see a plan in Trump’s actions, I’m wrong. And so it goes.

Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

Washington Post roasts Giuliani’s media performance: Opinion | Giuliani stumbles into another fiasco

I say it’s time to just throw random questions at America’s Mayor and watch what happens:

  1. Do you think Trump’s casinos will make money this year?
  2. Have you tried Trump Vodka?
  3. Who’s in charge of the Trump legal strategy?
  4. Does the President plan to sleep with any more porn stars?
  5. Who’s a better lawyer, Jay Sekulow or Ty Cobb?
  6. How long will it take you to get up to speed on the facts?
  7. Have you ever paid off a porn star for yourself?
  8. Have you ever paid off a porn star for a client?
  9. What kind of messes do important attorneys like yourself clean up for their clients?
  10. How do you know that there was no collusion between the President and Putin?

Don’t forget the popcorn!

Quote of the Day: Michael R. Caputo

Quote

Michael R. Caputo, Republican political consultant and friend of Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, on what it’s like to be grilled by Mueller’s team of attorneys:

“They weren’t pulling any punches, I don’t think I’m going to be friending them on Facebook any time soon.”

Source: ‘It’s all about collusion’: Former Trump adviser details interview with special counsel’s team – ABC News

NRA Convention Bans Guns To Protect Mike Pence

Feel free to fill in your own joke.

Source: NRA Convention Bans Guns To Protect Mike Pence. Parkland Survivors’ Jaws Drop. | HuffPost

Cf. http://biteme.me/thousands-want-gop-to-let-angry-voters-bring-guns-to-republican-convention-in-case-of-isis-attack/

And https://www.cnn.com/2016/09/16/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-guns-secret-service/index.html